Angel in a Centerfold

First, let me preface this whole story with the fact that I work the fuckin’ graveyard at a convenience store. I’ve seen some shit. People high on almost every drug, people covered in what I hoped was fake blood, people who were used to being up late, people who hadn’t stayed up past 9 pm since the seventies. I’ve had people swear at me, threaten me, try to rob me, try to save my soul, try to save my soul and then,when I blew them off, try to rob me.

Let me tell you, all of that? Nothing compared to this.

When I first laid eyes on it, I thought I was seeing things. There was no way in hell that what I was seeing was real.

It was 3am on a Tuesday night when it showed up. I was behind the register, selling Mrs. O’Reilly her nightly post-hospital shift cigarettes when I heard the door jingle. I didn’t bother glancing at who entered, too busy with my sale to be bothered by the probably high college kid stopping in to grab a slushie and some snacks. After all, Mrs. O’Reilly always complained that I was too distracted, and I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her bitching tonight. But after she left, I looked out into the store, and that’s when I saw it.

It was standing in front of the beer cooler, and was about 5’10, wearing ripped black skinny jeans, a black shirt, a leather jacket with the hood up, with two huge-ass wings protruding from what I assumed would be the spinal area. I don’t know what my face looked like, but I can imagine my jaw hanging open in shock. It’s not every day you have an encounter with the unknown in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Pennsylvania.

Anyway, as I was saying, there it was, standing in front of the beer cooler, just staring at the cans, when the door jingled again. Again, I didn’t bother looking, but that’s because this time I was too busy staring at Maximum Ride to be bothered. Suddenly, there was a bang, like someone hit the register and I jumped before looking at the counter in front of me. There was Lloyd (always Lloyd, never Mr. Yankovich) with his Big Gulp and bag of salt and vinegar chips glaring at me.

“Young man, I don’t have all day,” he told me.

He did have all day. I knew for a fact he was just going to buy a pack of cigarettes to go along with his midnight snack, and then sit in his shitty pickup, smoke, and eat while the missus was asleep and couldn’t get on his ass about lung cancer and diabetes.

“You’re right, sorry about that, Lloyd.” I told him, scanning the items.

“A pack of Marlboro Reds too, son,” He said, softening up slightly. An apology would always do that, serious or not. I just think he felt guilty about being rude to the one person in his life who knew all his secrets.

“Of course, Lloyd,” I said, turning around to grab the pack. “Hey Lloyd, you see that person by the beer?” I asked him.

“By the beer?” He turned to look “Son, there ain’t nobody in here except me an’ you.” He told me. I grabbed the cigarettes and scanned them, placing them next to the bag of chips.

“You really don’t see them? Right there by the cooler? Big wings? You can’t miss ‘em.” I asked again. He shook his head.

“Seriously son, there ain’t nobody there. Are you feelin alright?” He asked.

“Y-yeah.” I stuttered. “Been working too many night shifts I guess.”

“That’s probably it. I’ll see you later then, Wade.” He said, turning and walking to the door. He stopped before opening, turning back around to look at me. “Maybe you should close up early and go home, Wade. Get some rest. Call off tomorrow.” He said, before pushing the door open and walking out. I rubbed my eyes before looking back at the beer cooler, thinking maybe wings would be gone, but no. Hawkman was still standing there. Great, after being boring all my life, now I was seeing things. I couldn’t have seen winged creatures when Supernatural was popular? At least then people would know what I was talking about when I said Castiel came into my job at 3am. And then I could’ve passed it off as being the actor. But no, it had to appear now, after high school and the Supernatural craze.

Finally, it opened the cooler, and grabbed a six pack. It then began to stumble around the snack aisle. It seemed to pick up every single bag in the aisle and read all the ingredients before placing it back down. Not only did Rainbow Dash have to be in my 7-11, it had to be a health freak too.

Eventually, it made a selection and walked over to the register, placing it’s items down. Finally, I got a good look at its face. It was young, too young to buy beer. Choppy bangs, poorly dyed green almost covered its eyes, which were covered in black eyeliner. It was pale, and its lips seemingly had no color. It was like the emo Gabriel, but instead of bringing glad tidings of great joy to shepherds, it was bringing me coors light and mini muffins. And they weren’t even really for me.

I scanned the little bites.

“Um, so, I kinda have to see an ID for this.” I said, patting the beer. Out of everything I could imagine myself saying to what appeared to be a celestial being, that was not what I thought would come out of my mouth.

“You need a what.” It said, looking absolutely floored.

“An ID?” I asked again, unsure.

“I was created before this world and yet I still have to produce an ID to buy beer. I helped guard the Garden of Eden. And I’m getting carded. At a 7-11.” It muttered to itself.

“Sorry, it’s store policy, gotta card anyone who could possibly be underage. You fit the bill on that one.” I said.

“It’s store policy. It’s store policy to card all the angels that come in to get beer. Jesus Christ, I really need to find a new form that looks older than 18.” It said.

“If you’re an angel, should you really be taking the lord’s name in vain?” I asked “Besides, why are you even drinking? Isn’t heaven perfect and all that shit?”

It laughed, or what would pass for a human laugh. Maybe it was the angel equivalent of flipping the bird.

“Rough millenium.” It said, before reaching into its back pocket and pulling out a small stone. It handed it to me. The writing on the stone was not English. I looked up at the being.

“Where is this ID from?” I asked.

“Sumer.” It told me.

“Ooo yeah, sorry bud, looks like it’s expired. Got anything more recent?” I asked.

With a roll of its eyes, it took the cuneiform tablet back from me and placed it back in its pocket. From its other pocket it removed a beat up leather wallet.

“All I have is my entrance ID for the Gates of Heaven.” It told me.

“Can it be scanned?” I asked.

It looked down at the ID and nodded.

“Hand it over, doesn’t hurt to try.” I said.

It passed me the ID and as soon as it hit my hands, it was like a bolt of lightning went through me. I looked down at the ID. On the front were four different photos in a grid-like pattern, one box had a picture of the being in front of me, another one had a picture of an ox, another a picture of a tiger, and the last a picture of an eagle. Across from the photos was your standard ID information, y’know, name, date of creation, wing color, height in full angelic glory, the like. I was barely able to read it, as it seemed to be almost every language shifting into each other. On the back, sure enough, there was an area to scan. I slowly ran the ID over the scanner. Nothing. I tried again, a little faster, nothing. I resorted to swiping the ID back and forth rapidly until I heard the confirmation beep of the register. I mentally fist pumped and handed the ID back to the being, along with the rest of its purchases.

“Thanks for shopping at 7-11, have a great day.”